did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
