"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
