hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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