I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
