I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
