worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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