We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
