I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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