I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
