Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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