Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
