you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
