Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
