i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
