Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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