just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he shaved USA in his pubs
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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