Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
