i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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