We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize