I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
