i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
