So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
