I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
