I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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