tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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