This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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