The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize