i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
