I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
