How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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