You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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