please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
