i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
