Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
