Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There's always time for handjobs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
