Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
