Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
