someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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