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remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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