i was born a porn star she said
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize