All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
