but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
