BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
