she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
