We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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