i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
