I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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