someone get that fucking seahorse.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
