Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
