Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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