Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i now understand why vodka
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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