I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wat bout pragnant strippers??
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
