i love accidental penises.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
