I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
