Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Buhtt sex?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
