I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
