I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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