i dont even know how to be here
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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