We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
