Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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