Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
