Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
