I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
