No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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