I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize