We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
