I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
