she smelled like a LAN party
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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