If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
