yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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