U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
