If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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